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care to find balance

by RXS3

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1.
chemical 04:30
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when we touch know it's up no relation anymore when we fight know it's right nothing but love in this war i, i can not fight it anymore put down the weapons, watching the horizon i, i can not fight it anymore smoking 'til the days end, always sick of waiting keeping up, it's hard enough trying to figure out your mood keeping up, it's hard enough bringing balance to the room bitter cold, chemical, entice my brain again bitter cold, i'm keeping warm by the fire tonight bitter cold, chemical, entice my brain again bitter cold, chemical nothing but a liner in your notes nothing but a notch left in your post i'm holding on, with a grip that can't let go my chemical, i keep you close tied like a knot around my throat i better not, i better not i better not before i blow keeping up, it's hard enough trying to figure out your mood keeping up, it's hard enough bringing balance to the room keeping up, it's hard enough trying to figure out your mood keeping up, it's hard enough bringing balance to the room bitter cold, chemical, entice my brain again bitter cold, i'm keeping warm by the fire tonight bitter cold, chemical, entice my brain again bitter cold, chemical
2.
wonder 03:53
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wonder if you even know my name wonder starts to trickle in, sparkle eyes entice my brain i play the game, the song and dance, my pieces laid see if there's a way to spark this flame we hit it off, talking calmly as the time rolls low eyes rose, meeting mine can't let this vibe go been years since we met last, clouded by these fickle brittle years past so proud you changed, i stayed the same only getting older, maybe cut back on the 'caine glancing over growing pains night rolls on, starting to feel chosen fucked it up too many times, somehow my words like poison just feel corrosion soaking through the walls can't escape the feeling that my memory echoes through your halls once the space that i inhabited, like wonderland i'm alice and your palace ain't a kingdom, it's my whole damn world my eyes they shine like pearls, open wide to see you standing there realise your heart unfurled wonder if you even know my name next day starts, this the weak part spent the whole damn day inside, somehow we hit a restart just as i depart, i lean in for a kiss don't know why i tried it, knew for sure it was a miss i overstepped, i missed the mark, i played my cards, took it to heart sitting lonely by the window, watching as the wind blow i'd cut down the forest to write the feelings that you didn't know but now it's time to go onto the next nobody here that looks like you, hard going back from the best i didn't past the test, now only dreams of where we could've been can't seem to keep shame off of me
3.
the cross 04:40
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empty hearted, so empty hearted why am i still a target though i made it through the hardship it's the hardest thing i ever did; turned my back for a lack of something better names in dust that never settled, turn to diamond, all this pressure weighing on my spirit something heavy still looking for what deity protect me must be blessed, somehow this hole in my chest never swallowed all the guilt all the grovelling i did turn me inside out, see what i am without this tapestry of tragedy i sew with my words polish every lyric so my pain ain't unheard another night of shallow thoughts, i can't seem to stop swimming even on the good days feel my heart's in the deep end all these vices that i depend, i ain't a thing without them even in dreams i'm drowning, can't see a way around it did you forget my name? don't blame you if you tried frankly lost as you on how i'm still alive said you graduated? you're seeing someone new? that's amazing, can't express the joy i feel for you and me? just the same as you left stuck in a black hole, each day is a cycle and if there's no shade in the shadow of the cross then god don't know my name if there's no shade in the shadow of the cross then god don't know my name i can't carry on i can't find myself i feel so apart something eats my heart i'm just trying to be a better me my fingers slip now apple from the tree if you find the cross everything i've lost buried underneath secrets that we keep i can't keep hiding i can't keep hiding cross burning depth on my chest, weight heavy as i endlessly scroll through the texts, what's next? it ain't a hole that i ain't hide in, enough to keep my pride in ain't no dam to hold the tide in i'm a fucking leaky faucet; no point in trying to force it drained of everything but colour, i'll be nothing when the storm hits seasick, i'm nauseous wave goodbye too many times, pray for my twilight voyage but it never comes overworked, my day is never done ghosts from past lives haunting me as if i don't remember them memories could fill a cemetery, stories fill the river looking for my saviour, this bitter taste i savour wrapped in multicolour paper, peel the label waste another week away trying to be stable burning holes in newer clothes, cigarettes to warm the lows brandy for the highs, this constant loop that i despise if there's no shade in the shadow of the cross then god don't know my name
4.
insurmountable 04:00
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i've lost my reason now presence is a privilege that i was just allowed if everyone's got mountains then i'm not the only one i am not the everest, i still block out the sun and i cannot make sense of it right now (insurmountable, makes no sense at all) and i am memories behind your eyes i thought i'd left a mark in time, everything decays, you'll find but there's beauty where i stand and i cannot make sense of it right now (insurmountable, makes no sense at all)
5.
looking in 03:08
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i am nothing but the time i spent looking in and i can't hide the way they do i'm not bulletproof glass shatters into dust iron always turns to rust there's beauty in decay i'll make art my dying day (there's beauty in decay)
6.
decide what is right 03:21
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who are you to decide what is right? who are you to say what is mine? waiting on the wave i said goodbye too many times waiting on the wave i said goodbye let it float over me like i ever tried, i never tried who are you to decide what is right? who are you to say what is mine? lost and tired, the waves crashing below me echo through the walls that could not hold me i am just a parody reflecting who we are i am just a shadow of my old self you are just a memory on my shelf i still hang the pictures that remind me who we are and you hold a special place in my memory pedestal that couldn't ever hold me who'd have guessed that life could be this lonely? nothing left but solace here to hold me but i am not the only one here
7.
shade 02:10
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i'm at the point in my life where i fear going to work, it might be easier killing myself for some shine in the media get one or two plays, not aiming for fame from the grave just a break from the same cyclic living got my head straight spinning drink every night just to cope, how i'm living nothing to say anymore, it's a joke, i'm ashamed, i admit i'm in pain waking up to struggle not an honour probably not even worth a coffin just leave me in the shade, sunny day mistakes all i made my legacy, a few smoked butts and a hard drive full of shit, never amounted to much standards that i can't keep up, memories i wish i'd lost, people that i can't move from my life in the barrel of the gun, i'm the hairpin trigger, never met one quicker zero to one hundred, i'm one hundred to none beat all the odds, probably wish that i'd just move on to another life, to another place to hide to another life, another shell to hide
8.
empty air 11:57
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the last line of the series - b-sides from the new album, coming 2024

3/3

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released December 29, 2023

art by @klbdlz - insta

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if there's no shade in the shadow of the cross then god don't know my name

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